Sunday, March 27, 2011

God is in the wait...

Its been awhile since I posted an update.. This morning I was lurking on our adoption agency's discussion board and decided to actually post a reply to someone's thread.. The person was asking other forum members: Should we give up on Ethiopia/switch countries before we send in our dossier aka boatload of paperwork and giant check?
Presently, Ethiopia is undergoing a ton of changes that have increased the wait for adoptive families to an additional year, maybe more. It is a big deal for everyone in the process, for the families like us who have already waited years and also for the children in orphanages who wait still... It stinks across the board but it is supposed to be helping the program there to stop corruption in the system. That is obviously important stuff, no one wants to adopt a child that already had a family that wanted them. That would pretty much be the worst thing ever.  But the wait is still heart-wrenching beyond words. Other people that replied to the post, previous to my reply were stating that we all needed to think about why we are adopting.. is it to have a child or to give parents to a child.. there are a lot of lovely bullcrap sentiments and judgements that every group of people make.. it is ridiculous. The adoption world is a beautiful and life-changing place that I am blessed beyond measure to be part of. But just as anything else, it is weird and it can be awful and there are always people wanting to make other people feel less.
Can I just for a moment get on a non-PC soapbox and say that if you are anywhere in the process of adopting internationally, you have already given so much of your heart and soul and time and finances to this purpose that if anyone inside or outside of the adoption world dares to judge your heart, they can absolutely stick it.
So there it is.. and here it is ;) Enjoy! (hopefully!) 

Re: Should we give up?
Hi, everyone~
Its been awhile since I chimed in but I felt the need to on this one..
I totally understand the proper adoption language and verbage that everyone has mentioned.. and that we are all trying to make a difference in the world as we build our families through international adoption.
However, we all want a child, regardless of the politically correct or incorrect reason we admit to.. You adopt internationally to also impact a life but let's not kid ourselves, no one is ever adding a child to their life, biologically or through adoption, for completely altruistic reasons.. It is human nature to have a family, God's design on our hearts to care for babies and want a family.. I don't think it is anything selfish or that we should be embarrassed or ashamed by. It just is..
But international adoption is something you either feel led to or you don't, it is a calling.. Otherwise, there are much quicker routes in the US that we could have all chosen. Immediate gratification would be awesome in almost every aspect of life, seriously it would ;) But its not always enough.. Without getting all Hallmark greeting card on you guys, honestly sometimes the journey is better than the moment..

Story- I have a client that is in the process of her 2nd domestic adoption in the past 2.5 years. She mentioned last week (a bit callously, I suppose..) that it has all been so easy for she and her hubby, that both babies have "literally seemed to drop in our laps!" I wanted to simultaneously punch her and kill myself! LOL. I don't really mean that... much ;)
Anywho, at the time, I thought to myself, God-what the crap? What exactly was the purpose of my hearing that on that day of all days (PS it was the day of the state department phone call when they mentioned that our wait would increase another full year.. oh yeah, it was a good day).. But to hear that and then hear her story about her 2nd adoption and how easy its been? What the crap.. really, God? No, God.. really???
Not that I want 2 babies, and not that I want her babies obviously but its just weird sometimes this whole adoption thing. Its like having your heart and stomach in a vice and you never know whether its going to be squeezed or relaxed. But back to the story-
So I tried to find the purpose in my learning of her lovely experience (on that day of all days) because I fully believe that God is in each moment and the fact that I was so weirded out and ticked off meant that He was definitely trying to teach me something ;)
Oh the life lessons we have all learned in this process, right? Seriously I know you guys know what I'm talking about.. major character building going on in this forum!!!

I had prayed a prayer when we finally chose Ethiopia (or rather ET chose us because had it been entirely up to us, we would have adopted from China.. but God had other plans for our family..) So my prayer was that God would use our lives, whatever that meant for Him. Use our lives, God, because we only get to do this once and I want my life to matter. To really and truly make a difference, whatever that means to Him...
Clearly, that is a BIG freaking deal, that whole prayer, because God has some wacky plans sometimes that are very uncomfortable to our Western, spoiled flesh.. Small summary: God's plan will usually not ever be the easy button.. everrrrr! lol.

So I know that domestic adoption was right for that client's family. Her children were here and her adoption journey was meant to be different than mine.
Domestic adoption absolutely was not for us, for the same reason that we cannot switch countries- quite simply because our baby is going to be born in Ethiopia. We have to go get her! That's it. I know this like I know the sky is blue.
True, there may be quicker, easier avenues to build a family but when you know, you know.

My advice to KAAnderson is to follow the doors that open and think with your heart.. My husband and I chose to not pursue China due to the long wait, then we switched from South Korea due to the upcoming wait that the adoption world was predicting.. At that time, Ethiopia had one of the faster programs, and at that time, we said to ourselves, ummm can you say perfect?! Because we clearly do not like to wait..
And now what do you know? Here we are freaking waiting.. Yep.

Speaking for my husband and I, we never would have chosen Ethiopia because our hearts were set on Asia for too many years. But God used our impatience for His and our benefit because He moved us from China to South Korea to Ethiopia in less than a year, from the baby I dreamed of since I was 15 years old to the baby I was always meant to have but never imagined her face.. and still I wait to see it for that first time..
We were always meant to be in ET and by the same token, we were always meant to wait.. God was in the journey to here and He has known all along that we would wait. The thing that we avoided like the plague is exactly what we are stuck in right now and as annoyed and self-pitied as that can be, it is exactly where we are meant to be, where God needs us to be ("use my life, God!".. remember that? oh yes..) and this is exactly where our future family needs us to be.
Major major character building going on here!! lol. For all of us.. Amen?

Don't give up, girl! Don't give up.. God is in the wait! I promise you that.. you are going to get YOUR BABY whether you move countries or not, that little soul that is meant to be in your family will be there, whatever path you choose to get to him or her.. But choose the path your heart leads you to, not your head.. God rules your heart, a lot of the stuff rolling around in your head right now is just looking out for the flesh, not for the spirit..
Stay strong, everyone! We can do it!!!
PS Sorry for the absolutely longest reply post in the history of reply posts :)

Love to you all,

DTE: 10/15/2010


  1. im learning so much through hearing/reading about your experience. this is beautiful and honest and i love it.

  2. So poignant and full of love. My heart hurts for you with this longer wait. xo to you, Stu and our precious little Violet

  3. I have to say, I have avoided the forum ALOT lately so missed this whole thing... but um WOW! Way to bring it with honesty and love... I LOVED IT!!