Tuesday, September 13, 2011



Any day now will be the day that changes me forever..
the day I will become a mom.
 Funny how even after 33 months of this process and more years than that of wanting and waiting.. and yet I'm still somehow nervous of that moment and responsibility!
Its HUGE.. without even getting into the enormity of being a parent, just the moment of Referral in and of itself is huge!
To wait so long, dreaming of this moment... waiting to see that face for the first time.. Ah, bliss :)

I envision the referral moment as being like a birth for us. We've been in labor for over 800 days! And we're finally going to see our baby that we've been praying for, pining for, waiting for, wishing for, hoping for, dreaming about, planning our lives around, moving universes for, thanking God for.. she will finally be ours.. soon.

So as we wait, just a little bit longer.. and its become evident that the moment is coming really, really soon.
It could very well be in the next week! (Praying!!!)
Now I'm feeling a giddiness and almost anxious high that I can't explain...
its like a mixture between the day before school nerves and Christmas Eve excitement!
Like the night before vacation when you can't fall asleep because you're just... happy.
Like the morning of your wedding when you are equally jittery and giddy.. filled with a swarm of butterflies.

I am trying to enjoy even this moment and not wish it away..
I know that this too shall pass and I want to absorb it fully and document my heart as best as I can so that Violet will know how we waited for her...

Speaking of...
my sister, Dawanna, made an extraordinary necklace for me as a token of my wait for Violet. I asked for a locket with a quote.. It was more difficult than you would think to choose a verse or statement that describes your heart and soul for this situation...
I didn't want to pick the expected, albeit lovely, Biblical verse: For this child I have waited..
I found plenty of great but super long ones.. Dawanna told me my locket would have to be the size of a dinner plate to fit them! So, clearly, I had to choose otherwise ;)

After much reading and searching, I finally found it..
a beautiful quote from the East Indian poet, Rumi...
And so the locket says:

"From the beginning of my life, I have been looking for your face"

No truer words have ever been spoken..
and indeed I am still looking for it.
Until that referral call and email when I can finally see my Violet's sweet face  :)
Ah, bliss!

Soon.. maybe tomorrow??????

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